(To read my first ever big travel feature, check out my piece in Hidden Europe!)

‘

Before I left the farm, I got a ride from Juan, the owner, to the nearest town. We drove in silence pretty much the entire way.

‘What’s next?’ Juan asked, surprising me. He held out a hand for me to shake, and years of hard farm work were evident in the thick, tough skin.

It was one helluva question, and one which I didn’t have the answer to. Because at the end of the day, what could you possibly say to the man that has everything?

*And I did all of this whilst wearing my beautiful Magnesite stone bracelet from Molavaco.

clothing

There isn’t exactly a dress code exactly in Marrakech, but certain outfits will make you stick out more. It’s also important to be aware of the way that the locals around you are dressing, so that you can dress respectfully and not attract any unwanted attention. I suggest wearing long, loose shirts with long shorts or trousers, keeping yourself modest. If you’re entering a religious site, whilst it might not be compulsory, it’s still a good call to cover your hair out of respect.

If you want to add a unique touch of personality to your outfit while respecting local culture, consider Custom Patches. 

These patches can be designed with local motifs, such as iconic Marrakech architectural silhouettes or unique geometric patterns, or you can create your own personalized designs. Such personalized patches can be applied to clothing or backpacks, enhancing your overall look while demonstrating respect for and integration with local culture.

Gsjj.co.uk offers a variety of patch templates and offers quick customization, so check them out if you’re interested.

photos

The idea that you should never take photos of people without their knowledge is even more prominent in Marrakech. If you’re walking through a souk and stumble upon someone soldering pipes, melting metals, or dyeing leathers (AKA, taking part in their own personal livelihoods) then it’s merely the respectful thing to not take photos without their consent. Try not to treat the locals like commodities, and if you do so, be prepared to either pay a large sum or get yelled at.

food and water

I was lucky enough that my introduction to the city was from Khalid, my fantastic food tour guide (shout out to Moroccan Food Adventures, my personal favourite local food tour company), as he immediately taught me about all the do’s and don’t’s of the city. We stopped at some of the most incredible local food stops, tried arguably the best tea of the country, and he advised me on several things:

• Do not drink the tap water: even if you are offered a glass at a cafe, it’s best to avoid if you don’t want to be sick during your trip.
• Be cautious with raw vegetables and fruits: Street vendors may sell cut-up fruit or vegetables, but these are often washed with tap water, so it’s safer to avoid them or buy them from trusted sources.
• Try to eat at places with a high turnover of customers: The more popular a food spot is, the more likely it is to serve fresh and safe food. Crowds (of locals, of course) are often a good indicator that the food is both delicious and safe to eat.
• Be mindful of local sweets and pastries: Moroccan sweets like baklava and pastilla are delicious, but make sure they’re prepared fresh.
• Don’t ignore food allergies or sensitivities: Moroccan food can be rich in spices, so if you have any allergies or sensitivities to certain ingredients (like saffron, cumin, or cilantro), make sure to ask about the ingredients beforehand. Personally, I’m intolerant to onion, dairy, and tomato (thanks, Crohn’s), so Khalid taught me how to order food without these.
• Choose freshly squeezed juice over pre-made options: Fresh juices are a Moroccan staple, but some pre-made juices may not be stored correctly. Stick to juices that are squeezed right in front of you to ensure freshness and safety.

walking by yourself

Whilst Marrakech is generally a safe place, make sure that you’re aware of your surroundings – especially at night. My friends and I were followed down an alleyway one evening, and whilst the men were friendly and maintained a safe distance, they did harass us for money.

Ensure that if you’re going to be walking around by yourself, try to avoid going to the Medina at night, Jemaa el-Fna after dark, the outskirts near the bus and train station, and the northern edge of the Medina near Bab Doukkala.

henna

Speaking of scams, one of the worst in Marrakech involves women who aggressively offer henna tattoos in the souk. They’ll often grab your hand without permission, apply the tattoo, and then demand a high price for their poor work. These tattoos are done with black henna which contains harmful chemicals like gasoline and paraphenylenadiamine, causing burns, blisters, and allergic reactions. It’s a horrific experience but can be easily avoided if you snatch your arm away and refuse.

animals

If a sad monkey on a chain catches your eye or you’re tempted to take a photo with it, please reconsider. The Barbary monkeys are often stolen from the Atlas Mountains and subjected to terrible conditions, and the more I’ve read about these, the sadder it is. Similarly, the snakes in the Medina have their mouths sewn shut to prevent attacks, and they often die soon after being captured. If you care about animals, it’s best to avoid supporting these practices.

“i know the way”

Be cautious of locals who approach you claiming to know the way to your destination. While some may have good intentions, others may try to lead you astray, only to demand payment later. We had one particular encounter with a small child, who, upon telling him that we actually knew the way to Bahia Palace, proceeded to swear at us and raise his tiny fist in the air, with onlookers staring at us as we walked away. It’s always wise to be skeptical in these situations. Another thing worth sorting out in advance is getting an eSIM card UK. Having mobile data ready as soon as you land makes navigation much easier and helps you avoid relying on strangers for directions.

money

Be mindful of who is offering services to you and their intentions. On a trip to the Atlas Mountains, we stopped at a roadside where goats were eating Argan nuts from the trees. After I took some photos, the farmer asked for money in exchange, and looked displeased with each subsequent euro I handed him until I cleared my pockets. He smiled and said, “thank you, shukran” – but in essence, I had just been mugged by a goat farmer and his camels.

Marrakech is a truly beautiful city, but it’s also one where, especially if you’re not used to travelling alone, you should ensure that you’ve taken the right precautions in. Be aware of where you are and how you’re acting, follow these above rules, and you’ll be fine. After all, Morocco is filled with generous, caring people <3

Additionally, before finalising your itinerary, ensure you check Morocco’s entry requirements and apply for your visa in advance.

BUT BEFORE YOU DO – WHY NOT SHARE THE LOVE AND PIN THIS POST?

LOUISE ARNER BOYD

Louise Arner Boyd was born in 1887 in San Rafael, California. When she was a young girl, her mother, father, and her brothers died, jostling her to decide that rather than staying inside and settling down with a husband, she embarked on an expedition to Greenland.

She documented the explorations extensively, and used photography to showcase these areas that had rarely been seen before. She became the first woman to fly over the North Pole privately, topping this all off with sailing through the Arctic, crossing the Pole and circling it, before dying at an old age in 1972.

HELEN THAYER

Helen Thayer has to be one of the coolest explorers ever – with her extensive exploration history beginning in 1944 (aged nine) where she scaled her first 8,000 foot peak with her parents. She spent three decades as an award-winning discus thrower, before moving onto becoming the first woman to solo the North Pole, both walking and skiing. She took a black husky called Charlie on this big expedition, who officially joined her family when she arrived home from this expedition from hell. Even when things were tough, she was never unhappy – not even in the snow storm that nearly ruined her, blinding her for weeks and destroying her body and food and water rations. She went back with her husband Bill in 1992 and they became the first married couple to make the trek.

The couple walked 600 miles across the Yukon in 1994, and 1400 miles of the Sahara desert just two years later. On her 60th birthday, she went on a solo expedition to the Antarctic. She is still thriving today, although the expeditions are less frequent than they were before.

FANNY BULLOCK WORKMAN

Possibly one of the most famous Victorian era female explorers, Fanny Workman was born in 1859, and went on to do some incredible things. She held a ‘votes for women’ flag on the bright surface of a remote Asian glacier, having climbed the 20,000 feet to the top. She then broke the record for climbing higher than any other woman at 22,815 feet, and she held the record for an incredible 28 years.

She identified a new route across uncharted snowfields to the ice mass of the Kalberg Glacier, and wrote books about these trips and her expeditions from the Atlas to the Sahara, which she cycled.

CATHERINE DESTIUELLE

Catherine is now 59 years old, and is still out here doing epic things. In 1992 she became the first woman to complete a solo ascent of the Eiger’s north face – all 20,470 feet – in a record-breaking 17 hours. Despite facing horrendous injuries and ailments, she never stopped going. She carried on climbing after breaking her back and leg and fracturing her pelvis, and is not the sort of person to back down when things get tough. She is quoted as once saying, ‘in mountain climbing, there’s the real adventure.’

Catherine’s spirit of not backing down in the face of difficulties is worth learning. If you also have a goal you want to achieve, you can try to use Custom Challenge Coins as a motivation to motivate yourself to move forward.

You can design the challenge you want to complete, Catherine’s deeds, favorite mottos, and even the time you want to achieve your goal.

Put the challenge coin that represents your determination in a place where you can see it at any time. Whenever you want to give up, you can think of Catherine’s experience and her spirit of never giving up, which will make you full of motivation again.

FLORENCE BAKER

Florence was born in 1841, and when she was a young girl underwent the severe trauma of her whole family being massacred. A man called Samuel Baker rescued her when she was later put up at a slave auction, and the two fell in love. Sam bought her with a whole pound of ostrich feathers, and once they became official, the two lovers travelled to Africa to pinpoint the source of the Nile. On this trip, they ran into the John Speke (no joke) – after Sam had been rejected from David Livingston’s famous expedition.

The pair often found themselves in incredibly dangerous scenarios, but Florence was quick-witted and was able to talk them out of them. For example, when they found themselves in a tricky situation with King Kamrasi, she stood up ‘with the countenance of Medusa’ and made a grand speech in flawless Arabic – and Kamrasi was so impressed with her character that he let her go. Together with Samuel, she then found the shore of Luta N’Zige, which they called Albert Lake, after the royal lovers Victoria and Albert.

MIRABAI

Mirabai was a 16th century poet and wanderer who had been married against her will to a prince of Chittor, near Udaipur. She was famed for her talents in singing, writing, and spiritual studies, but her family still felt as though she brought dishonour to the family by not behaving in the way that a lady should. They tried to poison and drown her but she survived both, escaping to travel widely across northern India to Vrindavan, and eventually to Dwarka in Gujarat, where she disappeared under mysterious circumstances at age 50. Nowadays, she is a celebrated Bhakti saint, and is well-known in Indian culture for the incomparable beauty of the poems and bhajans she composed and sang in devotion to her beloved god, Krishna.

ARLENE BURNS

‘I wanted to go somewhere where I didn’t know anything or anybody in order to learn who I was. I wanted to put myself in the unknown to see if I would sink or swim… And what I found was how little I knew, and how curious I was to learn more.’

Arlene was born in 1960, and has done some incredible things during her time on earth. She has scaled remote Russian volcanoes, navigated forbidden Tibetan rivers, galloped across Mongolia astride a half-wild horse, and even trained Meryl Streep for a role in the River Wild. Her stories are amazing and I highly suggest that you research her further, as I couldn’t possibly begin to go into depth about even a third of the cool things she’s experienced. Oh, and she was the first woman to work as a white water guide in New Zealand.

IDA PFEIFFER

Ida Pfeiffer became an explorer merely out of spite, marrying a lone widower in order to escape the confines of her home. She became the breadwinner before travelling through Asia, the holy land, Egypt, and Italy, staying with tribes in Borneo and Brazil – after being told numerous times that as a female she simply would not be able to do it.

She became an icon for women of the era as steamships and railways began to offer her free travel, and the Austrian government granted her 150 florins to continue her travels. In some ways, she was the first ever travel writer to truly finesse the system.

Ida survived headhunters and cannibals, along with endless ailments, but died after contracting tropical fever – which never would have happened had the Queen of Madagascar not been threatened by her and subsequently thrown her in prison, but alas.

YVA MOMATIUK

Growing up in war-torn Warsaw, Yva would escape each summer to be foothills of the Tatra Mountains. When she was old enough, she moved to NYC and became an architect, before tiring of that and becoming a ranch-hand in Wyoming (goals). She met John Eastcott at the Grand Tetons and said later, ‘We had felt a growing conviction that, had we continued our city-bound lives, the proverbial four walls of apartments, schools and offices would surely kill in us what we cherish the most: the sense of discovery.’

They spent five years together in the Canadian Arctic on assignment for National Geographic, and documented their time living with the Inuits. Yva is still alive and doing cool things, and has earned her title as one of the most interesting female explorers.

DIAN FOSSEY

Who doesn’t know Dian Fossey? She was born in 1932, and when her parents divorced, her dad disappeared from her life forever. Like Yva, she also worked as a ranch-hand, but this time in Montana. She studied pre-veterinary studies against her stepdad‘s wishes, but switched to occupational therapy when she didn’t get the grades. She had always wanted to go to Africa, and when the lust became too strong, she decided to up and leave.

Dian met the one and only Dr Louis Leaky, who furthered her interest in gorillas. His attention had been drawn to her articles and photographs of gorillas from her Africa trip, and suggested that she went back to study with him. He told her to have her appendix removed so she could join, to prove her loyalty – which she did. When she found out it was just a test she merely shrugged it off and got her plane tickets.

She mirrored the gorillas’ behaviour so well that a very shy gorilla called Peanuts overcame its anxiety and touched her hand – possibly the first encounter ever between a wild gorilla and a human. Because of her work saving gorillas in areas that depended on their deaths, orders were issued to shoot this problematic Westerner on site. She was hauled off by soldiers to a detention centre for ‘her own safety,’ but used stealth, her smarts, and a bribe to escape.

She was a fierce threat to poachers, black marketers, and exploiter-despoilers, and received many threats along with this order. She died by an unknown assailant splitting her skull, and the mystery has never been solved.

My favourite movie about Dian has to be Gorillas in the Mist – go on, watch it. Tell me it isn’t wonderful.

ISABELLA BIRD BISHOP

Isabella is probably one of the most well-known female explorers, whose journey began as a child when she accompanied her reverend father on rough country lanes as he made his parish rounds. Her health problems (namely regarding her feet and spine) should have kept her sedentary – but at the age 22 she single-handedly stopped an assassination attempt against a Cabinet member. Things only spiralled from there.

The family doctor suggested a long trip to the sea when medication couldn’t stop her depression and listlessness, and from that, she managed to worm her way into a seven-month voyage. This started her career as an author as she told tales of her trip in the novel, the Englishwoman in America. 

She explored the Sandwich Islands on horseback (after her ship nearly capsized on the way there) after the majority of her family members died. She escaped an unwieldy admirer by going off to Japan, but on the journey back was told her much-loved sister Hennie was ill. When she died, Isabella decided to marry her admirer, who also died. She ceased travel – at least until she left for Asia where she travelled China upon a Sedan chair.

In North America she rode, climbed, and camped with ‘Mountain Jim’ Nugent. He was a legendary figure of the raw-mannered and violent West, and her time sharing his ‘breezy mountain recklessness’ helped form her most popular book, A Lady’s Life in the Rocky Mountains.

She was the first woman to address the Royal Geographical Society at one of the London meetings, and met with endless members of royalty. Nicknamed the ‘Stormy Petrel,’ it is said that Isabella ‘would have probably have accounted her journey a failure’ had she not faced any difficulties or issues along the way.

Her last words were, ‘Oh, what a shouting there will be!’

DERVLA MURPHY

Not to brag, but I have been emailing Dervla for a couple weeks and interviewing her about her adventures, and she is such an effortlessly cool woman. When she undertook her greatest cycling journey, she said, ‘If someone enjoys cycling and wishes to go to India, the obvious thing is to cycle there.’ She’s a very straight-forward woman with a solid head on her shoulders, and I can only admire her more for it.

‘I presented myself to the Afghan embassy… Only to be told that under no circumstances would they grant a visa to a woman who intended cycling alone through Afghanistan. Apparently, six years ago, a lone Swedish woman was carved up into small pieces, and since [then] solitary female travellers have been banned… It looks as though I’m beaten… However, I have a few schemes to be tried tomorrow.’

Dervla spent her womanhood trapped, taking care of her dying parents, and when she was suddenly freed from her duty, she left. She carried only the essentials with her, such as a .25 automatic pistol which she used to fight off wolves and rapists. She’s known for her genial stoicism, ironic intelligence, and temperamental inclination to always wonder ‘what’s all the fuss about?’ And there’s a movie out about her, titled Who is Dervla Murphy?

FREYA STARK

Dame Freya Madeline Stark worked in Italy as a nurse during WW1, and despite having zero education, had a deep interest in Arabian culture (which she put down to 1001 Arabian Nights). After the war, she travelled to London to study Oriental History, before leaving to travel extensively across Baghdad, Iran, and the Arabian deserts – visiting things that no Westerner had ever visited before.

When the second world war hit, she was already stationed in the Middle East, and since she was there amidst it all decided to work in Cairo for the British Ministry of Information. She continued to travel across Europe and Asia after the war and wrote several world-altering travel books such as Baghdad Sketches, The Valleys of the Assassins and several volumes of memoirs. In 1972, she was made Dame Commander of the Order of the British Empire.

AMELIA EARHART

Everyone knows Amelia Earhart, but I can’t help but mention her here, too. Her story began when she was working as a nurses’ aid in Toronto in World War I, where she met a group of young militarily pilots. She fell in love with the glamour of the job, and decided then that that was what she wanted to do with her life.

On her expeditions across the planet, she never let inconveniences get in the way of a good old adventure. Even when her wings were iced and there was flames erupting from her engine and the gas reserves were leaking – which all occurred on her first transatlantic flight – she didn’t stop.

Amelia was the first woman to solo the continental US roundtrip, the first person to solo the Pacific, the first woman to fly across the Atlantic, and she broke the women’s nonstop  transcontinental speed limit not once, but twice. Her plane disappeared near Howland Island on her most daring voyage, and she was never seen again.

There’s a super cool movie about Amelia called The Final Flight, which offers an insight to her final journey.

SHANNON LUCID

Shannon had a really tough start to life, spending six months of her life in an internment camp before she’d even reached the age of one. She had always dreamed of going to space and was furious that the first seven Apollo astronauts were all men, so decided to go out and get her PhD and a Pilot’s License – and yet after all of this, she still couldn’t get any kind of flying job. She once said in an interview, ‘they weren’t hiring females, period.’

After years upon years of hard work, she was finally accepted into the space program. She decided to learn Russian in order to be able to converse with her fellow astronauts, and spent everyday living ‘every scientist’s dream.’ She has spent more hours in space than any other American to date.

President Clinton referred to her as a ‘determined visionary’ and presented her with the Congressional Space Medal of Honour. Nowadays, she’s still out here, breaking records and doing incredible things.

HARRIET CHALMERS ADAMS

Harriet even dressed like an explorer should, with the hard hat and the khaki-coloured jackets and the stoic expressions. At the age of two, she went on her first expedition, accompanying her father to the Sierra Nevada mountain range. Six years later, she explored the Pacific coast on horseback, all the way from California to Yosemite to the Canadian Rockies. And then, when she was just 14 years old, she again accompanied her father on a year-long ramble from Oregon to Mexico. She went on to say that ‘the adventure and romance of exploration are full compensation to some of us for discomfort, hardship, and stranger.’

As she grew older and began to undertake her own adventures, she experienced incredible hardship. She survived a Bolivian earthquake, sheltered amongst a pack of llamas during a blizzard, survived a close encounter with a vampire bats, boa constrictors, and alligators, and was the first woman to travel from Amazon river to Cayenne. Even when she broke her back, she didn’t stop travelling. Harriet traded rum for a baby grison in Paraguay, and she travelled with her until she ate poisoned toucan stew.

Harriet wrote articles on her adventures for National Geographic, and became fluent in Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, German, and French. The NYT wrote that she ‘reached 20 frontiers previously unknown to white women.’

SYLVIA A. EARLE

I haven’t mentioned any deep-sea explorers yet, but hold your horses because Sylvia is one of the coolest ocean adventurers of all time. After years of studying, she became a marine biologist, and on a project sponsored by the US Navy, lived underwater for two weeks. She was incredibly dedicated to protecting the ocean and its wildlife, she was named by Time Magazine as the first Hero for the Planet in 1998.

Sylvia set the woman’s record for a World Solo Dive Depth, and became the first female chief scientist of the US National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. Even today, she’s still out and about, doing her bit for the ocean that she loves so much.

GERTRUDE BELL

Once described as the ‘most powerful woman in the British Empire,’ Gertrude is considered to be even more influential than the Welsh explorer T. E. Lawrence. Not only did Gertrude help to form the modern state of Iraq, but she was also an archaeologist, spy, and diplomat all across the Middle East. She travelled extensively through Greater Syria, Mesopotamia, Asia Minor, and Arabia, and helped to support the Hashemite dynasties in what is today Jordan.

T. Lawrence was said to have been ‘intimidated’ by meeting a woman who was ‘his intellectual equal’ and who ‘spoke better Arabic than him.’ Due to her extensive knowledge and contacts, Gertrude served as a mediator between the Arab government in Iraq and the British officials, and explored, mapped, and became highly influential to British imperial policy-making.

Rightfully so, there are a bunch of movies about Gertrude, such as Queen of the Desert and Letters from Baghdad. Both movies are epic, and things that you should definitely watch.

NELLIE BLY

There’s actually a bunch of movies that have been released that were inspired by Nellie’s story, such as 10 Days in a Madhouse and Escaping the Madhouse. In case you can’t tell from these names, one of her most popular writings include when she pretended to be ill to sneak into an asylum so that she could document the horrors that went on inside, so that she could ultimately expose them. Not only that, but she was the first woman to travel the world in 72 days, inspired by Jules Verne’s book (let’s just ignore Aloha Wanderwell). Legend.

AIMÉE CROCKER

Aimée was born in 1864 and was known for her collection of husbands, lovers, adopted children, buddhas, pearls tattoos, and snakes. She travelled extensively and survived headhunters in Borneo, a poisoning in Hong Kong, a murder attempt by knife-throwing servants in Shanghai, and lived for a whole 10 years in ‘the Orient.’ She published several memoirs about her journeys, and her talent for writing is no surprise when you consider her friendship with the one, the only, Oscar Wilde. My favourite fact about Aimée, however, has to be that King Kalakaua of Hawaii was so enchanted with her that he gave her a whole mother-freaking island and the title Princess Palal-Kalani, which translates to ‘bliss of heaven’. Such a legend.

ISABEL EBERHARDT

Isabel was high-key kinda hot, and despite the fact that she is slightly too old for me (she was born in 1877), I admire her an incredible amount. She was born to a Prussian aristocrat and an ex-priest turned anarchist, and at the ripe old age of 20 decided to convert to Islam and dress as a man. She adopted the name Si Mahmoud Saadi, and is said to have ‘drank more than a Légionnaire, smoked more kif than a hashish addict, and made love for the act of making love.’ She was super cool.

She travelled across North Africa alone and survived an assassination attempt by the French administration after witnessing the execution of an Arab prisoner, and is quoted as once saying, ‘now more than ever do I realise that I will never be content with a sedentary life, that I will always be haunted with thoughts of a sun-drenched elsewhere.’ There’s even a movie about her called Isabel Eberhardt, and is the best movie you will see this year.

JEANNE BARET

I’m going to go ahead and assume that you’ve probably heard of Jeanne Baret, the female explorer who dressed as a man so that the French Navy would allow her onboard a ship. Along with being the first woman to circumnavigate the globe, she is also recognised as being the first person to discover a strange new flowering vine adorned with bright pink and purple flower – which she called Bougainvillea after her commander. After sailing across the Strait of Magellan at the tip of South America, the Étoile reached Tahiti in 1767. She was discovered by her crew-mates and subjected to horrendous abuse – and yet despite that, lived until the impressive age of 67.

All of these women have shaped the world in one way or another – even if their roles do get severely glossed over in the history books. I think that they’re all super cool, and the fact that they completely went against the ideas and conventions of their time is truly inspirational.

It might be a little obvious which ones are my favourite – but tell me, which ones are yours? Do you know of any other influential female explorers that, low and behold, I have missed out, in this nearly 4,000 word post? Let me know in the comments below!

BUT BEFORE YOU DO – WHY NOT SHARE THE LOVE AND PIN THIS POST?

One of my favourite bloggers when I first entered the game was Adventurous Kate – I loved her energy, her travels, and her writing. If it weren’t for her continuously producing inspirational travel content, then I’m certain that Wandering Everywhere wouldn’t be even close to where it is today.

A couple months ago, I was finally able to interview the wonderful Adventurous Kate – and here’s what she said.

Firstly, what was the main motivation behind you quitting your job at the age of 26 and travelling across Southeast Asia? Have you always wanted to stray from the 9-to-5 life?

Women’s empowerment is a big theme on your blog. How did your family and friends react to you breaking the news that you would be travelling solo, and did it turn out to be as unsafe as everyone said?

From the outside, it looks like you live the dream life. What’s it really like to build and sustain a blog, and subsequently travel the world?

How did you originally monetise your site? How do you maintain it now?

Why exactly did you decide to settle down in NYC instead of travelling the globe nonstop forever?

What country would you recommend for female solo travellers?

What would you say to other females who ache to travel but believe they don’t have the confidence/ opportunity to?

This September, I began walking along the river Danube, with the hope that I might just become the first person to walk its entirety from source to sea. For some reason, no one had tried to walk all 2,850km of the river before, so I thought that I may as well attempt it myself. 

When I later told my spicy little Spanish friend, Inés González Miguéns, about the trip, she ended up booking a last-minute flight out to Germany and joining me for a grand two weeks. That was until Vienna, where she slinked off to a back alley hostel in Slovakia to lead bar crawls and get foot tattoos.

To date, I’ve covered 550 miles out of a (suspected) total 1,770, with the last major city stop being in Vienna, Austria. The Danube flows through more countries than any other in the world, so I still have Slovakia, Hungary, Croatia, Serbia, Romania, Bulgaria, Moldova, and Ukraine to look forward to. If they’ll have us, that is.

So far, we’ve slept in nunneries, communes, Mc Mansions, farmer’s sheds, luxury apartments, forest floors, “man caves”, and old bank buildings. We’ve stayed with spiritual healers, MLM pushers, cult leaders, Michelin star chefs, homophobes (oops), tea masters, and one guy who tried to molest us in the night. Every evening, we stay with a new stranger, relying on their kindness for food and a place to rest our heads, and have met some truly incredible people along the way (apart from that last guy, who ended up calling us “unworthy” for rejecting his advances).

Each night is completely new and a little crazy, and I’m absolutely loving it.

One question that we’ve been asked a lot along the way is, what’s the motivation for doing something like this? Apart from the temptation of international fame or elevated success within the adventure industry (neither which, unsurprisingly, have happened… yet), there were a couple other reasons to set out on a journey like this.

Doing it for the girls and the gays

Firstly, one of the biggest motivations for undertaking this expedition was to break down stereotypes for female and LGBTQ+ travellers.

I’ve always been told that travelling as a woman is dangerous, and that we simply aren’t made for this sort of thing – and yet, here I am, doing something that was previously deemed impossible. I don’t know if you’ve noticed the straight white ‘heroic’ male archetype that seems to plague the travel isles at Waterstones and the interviews on Good Morning Britain, but frankly, it’s started to grate on me. The industry is completely over-saturated with people like this, and as such, those who don’t quite fit that criteria face incredible prejudices when undertaking similar expeditions.

And so, I hope that by doing a walk like this, I will be able to challenge the stereotypes and expectations for queer female travellers in the industry, breaking down whatever walls that have been put up to stop us from doing exactly what we’re meant to be doing.

So far, this journey has been empowering unlike anything else I have ever experienced. Amongst the fairytale beauty of the Black Forest, the quaintness of European villages, and the wilderness of the continent’s many great forests, I can’t help but think, holy fry, I’m really doing it. Being able to roam the earth freely in a way that my female ancestors could not makes me feel both honoured and empowered.

And frankly, that’s enough motivation for me.

Doing it for the crohnies

Or at least, it should be, in theory.

But then there’s also the fact that I have Crohn’s Disease.

On average, I aim to cover around 35km a day, burning no less than 3,000 calories in any 24-hour period. This would presumably be quite difficult for an able-bodied person, but for someone that suffers with Crohn’s disease and everything that comes with it, it often feels pretty much impossible.

I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease in 2014, and since then, have constantly been battling against an autoimmune response that aims for nothing other than shutting down my whole body. I get blepharitis, psoriasis, and all of the blood, sh*t, and tears that come along with not having a single functioning intestine. It is, quite frankly, the most horrendous thing to ever happen to me, and I still battle with it daily.

Still, I knew that I wanted to do something big, and there was no way in hell that I was letting this illness get in the way. So I bulk ordered my medication, bought endless digestion tablets, and told my doctor that I was about to do something incredibly reckless and it would be great if he could remain contactable, and booked my flight.

Luckily, we haven’t been camping as much as I expected we would (in fact, after the first night we camped and woke up covered in parasites, we sent the tent home to never be used again), so I’ve had steady(ish) access to people’s homes, and the stability of a bed and toilet each night. Regardless, the seven hours minimum of walking each day leaves a lot of room for error, and it’s been especially challenging to keep it all under control.

Regardless, I am constantly impressed that my body even has the strength to do something like this. Who knew that my diseased, withering, pathetic human shell could walk 550 miles in a month and still be ready to function the next morning? Now, I truly realise just how strong I am and how much potential my body has, and want to shout to the world about it. This is a massive difference to when I was first diagnosed and wanted to keep it all under wraps, too ashamed to tell anyone about it, and I’m proud of just how far I’ve come.

With the finish line looking to be in eastern Romania in late December, I’m super excited to see how cultures, languages, and landscapes change along the way. And of course, I am honoured to do so as a female LGBTQ+ traveller with Crohn’s disease, with my head thoroughly stuck in the clouds.

Doing it to save the river

Doing it, quite simply, for the vibes

But of course, there are endless reasons at the heart of why I wanted to do a trip like this. When people ask, I sometimes just skip all of the above and go off on something else: I read a lot of Levison Wood, I have nothing better to do, I want to be known for doing things that no one else has done, I like rivers, I wanted to explore Europe, I thought that it would be a great way of sampling each town’s version of dumplings. Whatever the reason, though, no one seems to be satisfied… So quite simply, I am doing this whole darn thing for the vibes.

Of course, I will let you all know how we get on over the next few months. To stay up to date with the expedition, you can always follow my Instagram at Wandering_Everywhere or sign up to the newsletter (subscription box is at the bottom of the page).

UPDATE: We finally finished the walk on the 14th September 2022, more or less a year after we started. Stay tuned for the next adventure!

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On her infamous journey across the world, Vedangi faced a truly impressive amount of hurdles, such as being chased by a bear, hit by a minibus, robbed at knifepoint, stalked, and catching a couple stomach bugs and lung infections along the way. And yet she made it through, returned safely home, and is here with me today.

First of all, could you tell me a little about how your story began?

Sure! So in 2018 I wanted to circumnavigate the world by bike, and initially I wanted to complete this for fastest unsupported female solo ride in 100 days. Because I was quite young, however, I found it quite hard to get sponsors onboard because they didn’t believe that I could do that!

I read that you were robbed at knifepoint and chased by a bear? Could you tell me more about these experiences?

In Australia I was chased by some people who I later found out were armed, and then in Canada I got chased by a bear! I was actually fascinated to see a real grizzly bear and wasn’t really expecting to be chased because they were far enough for me to think that they wouldn’t notice me. One of them decided I was a danger to their kind so they started chasing me – but luckily a lorry went past and beeped and made a lot of sound and chased him back off.

And then in Spain I was chased on a bike by two guys who were yelling at me in Spanish, and after a while of them following me they came up behind me and pushed me off my bike. Initially I was going to throw my helmet at one of the guys, I was so angry! But then one of them pulled out a knife and put it to my throat whilst another started riffling through my bag, and I was there thinking if I get super scared and try to run away then I will get killed. So I was trying to distract myself from the fear and anxiety by going over their numberplate again and again in my head until I memorised it.

I also tried to think about whether they resembled anyone I could recall, and soon after they decided to push me into the side of the road and leave me and my stuff behind. I hit my head quite bad, but after 40 hours I was back on the road!

Next year I will be doing a documentary on the First Nations in British Columbia, and as you cycled through the area I was wondering if you learnt much about the indigenous people of Canada?

Unfortunately I did not! But I met the nicest people.

I read that you undertook this expedition ‘mostly’ unsupported? Which support did you/ didn’t you get?

I had my parents following behind me for a short while when I was in India, because India isn’t the safest place for a young girl to be riding alone. At the time I was pretty mad at my parents, saying you’re ruining my unsupported thing, but now I realise that was selfish. That’s the only thing that caused me to write that it was ‘mostly’ supported!

Can I ask how you obtained the funding for the expedition, and do you have any advice for others securing funding for their expeditions?

Advice-wise, I can just say to put yourself out there! And you don’t need permission to do something big if you’ve only done small things before, I don’t know if you’ve kind of felt that too? Reaching out to these companies – even if you don’t have the social media reach – is so important. I remember reaching out to Mark Beaumont and he gave me loads of advice and then posted about me on his social media and then there were quite a lot of people who followed me.

You don’t fit the typical explorer typecast of an older white male with a military background, and I was wondering if you have ever felt hindered by a discrimination, such as race, sexuality, or gender?

I have been told a few times that as a young girl I shouldn’t be travelling alone but on a much larger scale, I do feel that being someone with my background it took longer for me to be recognised in media. I wouldn’t say that’s discrimination right away though because there’s no way to point it out like that, but quite a few people have said that I’m too young to do what I do.

I also run a business where I help people plan their own expeditions, and people have told me a lot that I’m too young to start something like that.

So the business, is that The Adventure Shed? Could you tell me more about that came about, and how successful would you say it has been?

So I dropped out of university and was working with this guy who was aiming for the record of the youngest person to walk to the South Pole and I figured that there are some things that I would actually be really good for. I was thinking, hang on, I can create sponsorship proposals and get sponsors on board and then worked with another expedition where I worked with a substantial amount of money – and realised if I wanted to, I could do this.

And then I had to apply for the correct visa to be able to run a business in the UK, so I went back to India and came back with a provisional visa – but then lockdown happened so this visa ran out. I had to come up with something that could bring in money to pay for the longterm visa, and then I spoke to some people within the industry who have done some amazing things, and had interviews with them all.

I made audio recordings and short videos explaining each element of planning of adventure and got some sponsors on board and made a massive workbook then I went on Teachable and set up the course!

I have one last question for you and that is, what’s next?

A lot! I’m planning an Arctic expedition for a couple years and I want to go around the world again. Immediately upcoming, I’m creating a route in the southwest of England crossing the best of the southwest. I have sponsors onboard for it and want to create a film out of it, and hopefully can then get other people involved in more adventures by introducing them to this route.

And then the biggest project that I’m working on right now is I’m writing a book about the need for adventure. I’m talking about the purpose and the need for adventure. I will be talking to hundreds of people in the industry and can then fit this into those approaches and in fact, I’d love to send you some questions about it if you were down for it!

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And there you go! Vedangi was a lot of fun to talk to, and I hope you’ve gained something from her adventures! If you have any further questions for Vedangi, please let me know in the comments below!

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Last week, I was lucky enough to be able to talk to the legend herself – and here’s how it went.

Firstly, could you tell me more about your initial big expedition where you led the first unsupported women’s crossing of the Greenland ice cap?

It was in 1992, I had always had this dream to ski to the South Pole, and I then realised being a high school teacher that I could not afford it. And then in 1988 it was the 100th anniversary of Fridtjof Nansen crossing the Greenland ice cap and there were several expeditions planned by just men who didn’t want women on their team. So I realised I should get a woman with me, and we had a truly great time.

What sort of attraction does the open ice have for you?

A good question because as I grew up in Norway, I loved skiing ever since I got my first skis at three years old. Living in the outskirts of Oslo, with its beautiful ski routes and treks, where we would go on winter and easter holidays, I always had this daydream for going out into wide open spaces. I really like the wet and wind, I really feel alive when its stormy sometimes.

Following the 1992 expedition, you became the first woman to ski unsupported to the South Pole. How did that come about?

Well, after doing the Greenland crossing there was a Norwegian guy who skied solo and unsupported to the North Pole. So after getting a crew together I came back and I said to my husband I think I should do this and he said I think you can do it. So I got support from friends and family. The hardest part is always getting that funding.

I was wondering how you’re able to secure these sponsorships?

They’re hard, like you know with this solo trip, I felt as though I moved into the men’s arena in Norway so I really had to get Norwegian sponsors. There was another Norwegian explorer who got an Italian sponsor so I got in contact with them and they said okay, if you can make it! They said that they would pay me when I came back, so I took out a bank loan and then I made it and they paid me.

Are you still living in Oslo?

I’m actually in a little place by the forest and a little pond with my Siberian husky.

What was it like living there as a child, and when did you realise that you didn’t want to follow the typical female expectations?

I remember one story, I was around 12 with my friends on a school trip to Germany. There were about six or eight girls, exchanging dreams. All my friends were dreaming about big houses, fancy cars, handsome husbands, and I was very naive and was thinking, ‘how boring! To think about something that will come automatically when you grow up!’ And then I told them my dream was to ski to the South Pole and they laughed and said it was stupid, was impossible, was a boy’s dream. And that was the first time I had the sense that I didn’t have the same dreams as my friends. As I grew up, my friends got married and I began wondering if I even wanted that life, wanted kids.

How hard would you say it’s been to be a female in a male dominated industry?

I think it was harder but it’s changing now, you know that. Now it’s many women who have skied to the South Pole but in my time it was definitely harder.

I think you’re very modest and very successful, and was wondering how you define success?

Well I think that if I myself am content with what I’ve been doing and have achieved, I think that’s a success. No one else can tell you you’re a success because you should know within yourself that this was good.

What is the worst thing that’s ever happened on an expedition?

I think it was when Ann Bancroft and I had an attempt to ski to the North Pole from Siberia and the ice was breaking in the middle of a night during a heavy storm. It was cold and I heard something so I went out to see it and woke Ann up. I heard this sound and looked out and there was this big wall of ice coming closer and closer, so Ann took the sleds and I got the tent and when I took the last screw out of the tent the first shock of ice came over me. Had I been laying in that sleeping bag for 15 more minutes we would have been crushed down to the bottom of the Arctic Ocean. And I still get this feeling during springtime when you hear the breaking of ice.

We also got attacked by a polar bear. He followed us for a bit but I relaxed a little so I put the revolver on Ann’s sled in front of me and when I turned, he was coming right at us. I couldn’t reach the revolver so I aimed this signal pen at him and hit him in the breast, he was just a few metres away and began to move away immediately.

How do you deal with fear in these situations?

I was swallowing my heart, I think he was heading to my sled because it looked like a seal and then we crossed over an open river in dry suits and he stopped following us.

Who is a female role model that you look up to?

That’s not an explorer? I remember reading biographies and was reading about Marie Curie when I was a kid, and my friend said that I couldn’t do something like that. And also my mother, she’s a really good skier, she was not a very stereotypical mother, she wanted to go cross country skiing as a whole family on weekends whereas my friends mother stayed home and made Sunday dinner.

Are those all your books behind you? I read you’re an insatiable reader – could recommend some books?

I read all the classics in my 20’s, so now am reading a new translation of the Plague by Camus and I have several books on the go right now. I got another one today in the post and it’s actually the Bird Histories, about a professor focusing on the importance of water. With Covid, I actually have a lot of time to read.

I have one last question regarding what’s next?

We want to do one waterway for BAE on each continent, so if we can find a solution for this pandemic, we will go to New Zealand in 2022.

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And so, there it is! This interview was a lot of fun, and I hope that you guys enjoyed it just as much as I did. If you have any more questions for Liv Arnesen, let me know in the comments below!

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Chris Bonington:

 

“Sounds a fantastic wonderful project and I am very happy to put out my support. The very best of good fortune and have a wonderful time.”

Starting from the 1st May, we will trek over mountains, clamber through caves, and wild swim in freezing waters, staying in any accommodation we can find. We plan on covering an average of 90 miles a week, resting at lighthouses, underground bunkers, caving huts, monk-run communes (yes they have them in Wales!), pig barns, gypsy caravans, stranger’s houses, and good ol’ fashioned cabins in the woods. We will record our journey across Wales with the production of a documentary – with Inés as our camera woman with chronic back pain (inconvenient when you hold a camera for 5+ hours a day), Trianna being our travel-sick crew member, and myself being the host. Along with Cragen, of course.

We have already planned the first three months of the journey, and let me tell you, I absolutely did not think that there would be this much work involved. When Levison Wood went on his expedition to walk the Nile, I assumed that he spent about a week looking at maps and then set off in the general direction of the river. Oh, how I was wrong. This expedition has taken us nearly three years of talking about it, finalising details, and planning every single day – and we still have a lot more to go. It’s exhausting, but it will be worth it.

Reza Pakravan:

 

“This is an epic adventure around one of the most incredible parts of the world. The girls are super brave and ambitious and I am giving them my full support.”

I will be interviewing locals, getting hands-on with activities such as beekeeping, bushcraft, and metalwork, and experiencing the best and worst things that Wales has to offer. I will enter the bog snorkelling championship, attend my first ever L Fest, and try my hand at taxidermy. It’s going to be one heck of a journey, but it’s absolutely going to be worth it. 

We will walk north to meet self-proclaimed wizards, druids, former satanist priests, blacksmiths, mushroom farmers, rugby players, and millionaires – just to name a few. The more research we have conducted, the more we have become convinced that Wales is absolutely one of the wackiest places around. It’s very exciting. We might try fishing such as the adventures offered by Fishing Trips PNG and will truly throw ourselves in the deep end with different challenges and activities.

Some of you may now be asking, why us? After all, we are untrained, a little naive, and can’t even navigate with Google Maps. Heck, we’ve never spent more than a week camping combined. But regardless of all of this, we are passionate, impulsive, and ready to get more than a little messy. Inés comes from the Celtic nation of Galicia, Trianna is a weeb for Welsh culture, and I myself am Welsh through-and-through (Swansea Abertawe boiiiis) – and we all want to dig deep into the heart of the country.

Our all-woman team is going to face unsurmountable highs and lows, and spending every hour of every day with one another is going to be the ultimate test of our friendship. Plus, we are going to see a lot of each other – and as someone with Crohn’s Disease who knows that she’s going to have to sh*t in the woods, it’s not going to be pretty. But what better way to spend the summer than sleeping on mountains infamous for making you awaken either a madman or a poet? Kicking back on islands where all of the inhabitants are convicts? Meeting the people loitering around abandoned insane asylums? It’s an expedition where really, nothing could go wrong.

Crohn’s Disease is something that I have talked about before on the blog, but have never really delved into the details of. It is an immobilising, merciless disease that no one actually wants to talk about. It seems that the general public still knows nothing about Crohn’s (and even a lot of gastroenterologists are clueless about how to treat it), and so I’m hoping that by undertaking this journey, I can bring light to a subject that is commonly avoided.

Ed Stafford:

 

“[These girls] are embarking on a fantastic adventure to capture Wales in all its gritty glory. I wish them well and give my full support to the project.”

 

I know that over the course of the journey, I will face the same stomach pain, weak joints, scarred skin, and malnutrition that I face on a daily basis at home – but man, I want to be an explorer, so it’s just something that I’m going to have to suck up. By the end of it all, you guys are going to be fluent in Crohn’s-related vocab, and the stereotypes relating to auto-immune diseases will be thoroughly challenged. It’s going to be a wild ride.

I will try to update you all on our expedition as it progresses – but the fact that we will spend days even without food means that I can’t guarantee a stable internet connection. I’m hoping that we will be able to find some sort of local accommodation most nights on the road when we haven’t planned anything, but understand that a goat will stop us from a lot of people letting us stay in their houses. But hear me out: to undertake this walk with a weird-looking dog in tow would be funny, and thus, worth it.

We have already received support from numerous explorers and celebrities, such as Ash Bhardwaj, Ed Stafford, Darius Arya, Chris Bonington, Benedict Allen, Reza Pakravan, Hayley Long, and Bill Bryson – all people I have spent my life looking up to. It’s as exciting as it is scary – but knowing that we have so much support from not only the people mentioned above, but radio stations, magazines, and local businesses, makes us feel as though this is a journey that really means something to people. And if they have faith in us after knowing how hopeless a team we are, well, I guess we have to do it.

To follow our journey, why not stalk our Twitter and Instagram?

If you would like to donate, please visit our gofundme.

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Accommodation – £0

To start off with, all of my accommodation was paid for by other people – for various reasons. When I first landed in Alicante, I was able to stay with my ex-boyfriend (funnily enough, not an ex at the time) in a gorgeous little house by La Marina. This meant that I was basically adopted by the family, and didn’t have to pay a single penny for keep. Pretty convenient, honestly.

From there, I met up with a family that were complete strangers at the time, but that I would grow to consider my own. As an au-pair, I was taken across Valencia all the way to Madrid, staying in cute little hotels with the family and finally settling down in their quaint home in a town called Móstoles. I met several friends along the way, each offering up their homes – resulting in a wonderful little journey around Spain with the base rate of £0. Just the way I like it.

Travel – £257

As expected, flights were the most expensive part of my whole journey – and only because I was an absolute knob and missed my first flight out. In total, I spent a (wildly unnecessary, tbh) £227 on flights.

When I had finally landed in Spain, I found myself spending a mere £30 on transport due to a rather magic metro card I found (called Renfe+) where you pay a set price and can explore more or less the whole of Northern Spain on it for free. Pretty handy. You also get free entry to galleries and rooftop cafes, which is neat.

HITCHHIKING AND USING RANDOM STRANGER’S CARS

I also tried my hand at hitchhiking. Having never done so before, the only factor convincing me to jump into a random stranger’s car was the fact that I was literally multi-tasking heat exhaustion with a severe lack of water and 40+ degrees in the shade, going up a hill which featured absolutely 0 said shade. When a random couple pulled up to me and suggested I get in their car, I was so dazed I just hopped right in. The journey back to the centre of civilisation took so long, and via a strange route I had never taken before, that I found myself nearly nodding off as the woman told me stories from her childhood. Honestly, I’m still not 100% convinced I made it out alive and am not just living in some weirdly lucid coma.

As I spent the majority of my time in Spain living with my aforementioned au-pair host family -with around 10 days also spent with the family of my dear ex-love-of-my-life – I was driven around from town to town, city to city, without a qualm. Honestly, I feel like they were all just pretty happy to have someone nag at them to be more adventurous, and I’m thankful they spent so much gas money on my expeditions.

Food – £35

In concept, all of my food was free (all six meals a day). However, I have a secret love affair with sweet things, and found a good chunk of my money going on snacks. From cakes to churros to ice-cream, I spent day after day meeting new-found friends and checking out all the local bakeries.

I was taken out for meals with my ex-boyfriend’s family, my temporary au-pair family, and then to soirees and birthday dinners with my temporary extended family. And there you have it – three month’s worth of food for what I would typically spend on a week’s shopping. Budget AF.

Excursions – £4

I visited over 50 castles, museums, galleries, and little day trip cities as I ventured around Spain – paying absolutely nothing for all except one. Here’s how.

STUDENT’S/ EU CARD

With a bit of research, I soon discovered that everything was free. Kind of. In order to visit such a sheer amount of awesome little places, I had to do a bunch of research before I rocked up anywhere. Here’s the gist – if you are a member of the EU, a student (or simply someone aged 0 – 26), unemployed (with evidence), or someone that knows the free entry times, you can pass security without dishing out a dollar. It’s all there, if only you look. The only time I had to pay (this is where the £4 comes in) was when I went to a castle during peak times, simply because I CBA to wait around for hours for free entry.

SPONGING OFF MY HOST FAMILY

The aforementioned au-pair family would also take me places, and when they did so, I would find them paying for everything. Whether it was an entry ticket to go wild swimming in the mountains, or a little fee to enter an olde historical building, they would always pay for me (they also bought me a gym membership and other pointless little things). They were so incredible dishing out so much, and all I had to do was watch TV with their kids for a few hours a week on the rare days both parents went to work. A pretty sweet deal, if you ask me.

Extras – £78

Spending £78 on little extras was completely unnecessary and could 100% have been avoided – and yet I couldn’t resist window shopping. I ended up buying exactly seven incoherent Spanish novels, two equally as incoherent Vinyls, and a bunch of tourist souvenirs for family members back home (along with a really fancy, really tiny pot of moisturiser). In all honesty though, I don’t think that’s too bad for three whole months, even if the 6kg bucket of ColaCao nearly sent me to Customs.

Income

Whilst I was away, I also managed to secure a steady stream of income. I’m not sure how applicable it is, but due to the fact that I have been blogging and writing for magazines for years, I was able to do about five hours of actual work to make triple back of what I had spent. I made £550 straight up from au-pairing, £130 for writing articles, and £460 from various other sources – such as product placement, affiliate links, and sponsored posts.

Not to be dramatic, but I 100% felt like a mortal God when I was dishing out advice to my friends and followers about how I managed to travel. I really hope that this helps some of you, or at least answers some rather demanding questions about how I could possibly be living a Snapchat highlife.

Has this post helped or inspired any of you guys to take your own budget tours? Or have you got any tips I could use next time? Let me know in the comments below!

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THEY MAKE YOU MORE BRAVE/ ADVENTUROUS

I’ve always considered myself relatively brave, traipsing cross-country solo and putting myself in deeply uncomfortable (and sometimes sliiiightly unsafe, oops) situations all for the sake of a little adventure. But faced with a plate of fish, un-filleted, I almost blanched at the idea of decapitating a floppy fish corpse myself. However, Frankie took one look at my reaction and stated “I can rip the head off for you if you can’t do it yourself.” I found myself not only prising off the head, but also peeling off the tail, scales, spine, and tiny bones myself, just because I am the adult and I should be able to fillet a fish myself. Frankie was proud, I was proud, and the waiter was glad that he didn’t have to de-bone a fish for the millionth time that day.

THEY GET YOU INTO SITUATIONS YOU WOULD RATHER AVOID

The reason I would have never found myself blackmailed into getting my fortune told by a rabbit by a rotten-toothed cad was because I believe myself to have an ounce of sense. However, kids seem to lack this quality, and dive head-first into mega awkward situations just so that they can pet the rabbit and wear the free bracelet. By the time the guy had attached rope around both of our wrists and egged his magic rabbits into telling us that we were both going to be exceedingly rich very soon, he tried blackmailing us into throwing our money at him. Luckily, Frankie is more adapt at being exceedingly rude, so we got out of that situation pretty easily. However, I personally don’t like having to yell at a guy to free us from a curse. Love being held captive against my will.

THEY PUT A SPIN ON YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS (FROM ABOUT FOUR FEET OFF THE GROUND)

On the third day of our sojourn to Turkey, we found ourself in the heart of an ancient market. It was insanely beautiful, so of course I wanted photographs of myself standing in front of the ruins. Doubting Frankie’s photographer skills – because she is literally ten years old – I double-tie the strap around her and leave her with my Nikon. I should never have been apprehensive, because she’s actually pretty darn good, and I’ve never had photos taken from such a refreshingly low angle before. I’d hire her in a flash. Downside – she wanted photographs in return, and is not camera shy at all (half an hour in front of one wall so she could pose? Alrighty then).

EASIER TO ASK RANDOM RUSSIAN BOXERS FOR A PHOTOGRAPH

When you’re travelling with a kid, you find yourself more enthusiastically confident when you find a massive Russian boxer and want pics to show your gym-addicted friends. There’s always the excuse of, “pardon me, but my niece here would love a photo of you” when you bump into someone interesting. Never again will you have to take the blame for being a fangirl again.

THEY MAKE YOU A MILLION TIMES MORE EXCITED

Especially to the seasoned traveller, I found myself slightly bored of the humdrum of travel prior to the trip. Boarding the plane, I had the attitude of “let’s get this part over with then.” Frankie, on the other hand, was inconsolable with excitement. “I’M SO EXCITED I COULD DIE,” she yelled as we passed the air stewards. Everything is regenerated and you see the world through their eyes, where everything is shiny and new and the world is full of possibilities. Whilst you may not get excited about pancakes for breakfast for the sixth day in a row, it’s impossible that a kid won’t still be insanely enthusiastic to arise to twenty pancakes day after day.

YOU CAN DO KID THINGS AND NOT LOOK LIKE A DERANGED ADULT

There’s a kids play zone, with incredible twisty slides? There’s a disco that looks cheesy and hilarious? Bam, now you’re travelling with a tiny human you’re suddenly allowed to fling yourself into a ball pool and not look like you’re off your anti-insanity meds. Somehow, travelling with a kid means that you are also capable of doing kid things, even if you will end up getting stuck on the waterslide. Also, people are a lot less judge-y if you’re holding three ice-creams whilst stood with a kid, even if they are all inevitably going to be consumed by you.

YOU NOTICE EVERYTHING

Obviously you have to be aware of your surroundings in pretty much all scenarios anyway, but when you’re travelling with a smaller, less wary human, you have to be extra vigilant. It keeps you on your toes, and doubles your independence – if something goes wrong, both you and the child are screwed. You notice things you wouldn’t, and with a kid at your heels, things you otherwise wouldn’t clock are pointed out. A boring old adult wouldn’t notice the insane candy store 80 feet away, but you can bet your ass that a ten year old will. Also, you suddenly know everything and are a bask of all wisdom – travelling with someone who believes you know everything in the universe is also both refreshing and likely to result in a god complex.

And so, I found myself regenerated and raring to go on new adventures again. My niece may have just saved my relationship with travel, and made me feverish with excitement for exploring every inch of the planet.

Could you guys ever see yourselves travelling with a family member that won’t understand at least half of your jokes, because you’re too boring and adult-y? Let me know in the comments below!

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